people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
