thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
