you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Randomize
