theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
