whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
