Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
