He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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