I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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