I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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