There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
