I can feel you judging me through the phone.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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