I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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