If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
