someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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