Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
