So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
