That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
