"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
