I bet he comes in French.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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