I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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