I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
