Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just want nice things and good sex
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
