I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
