Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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