sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
