awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
