And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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