I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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