6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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