my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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