So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
