she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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