Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
