I haven't been this sober since birth.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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