Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
