Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
