no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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