I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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