So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize