i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
