An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
