So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
