Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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