I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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