if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
