I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
