so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
