i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
