So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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