Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
