M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
