I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
