You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
A+ Viking dick
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
