Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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