kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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