I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
