Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
