You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
