He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
