I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
