omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize