just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize