ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
