I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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