ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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