just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm at about main and main street
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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