I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
