The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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