You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
