Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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