her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
