Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
