She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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