My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize