I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
