I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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