maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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