Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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