I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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